When reviewing this Storify Article, it is not apparently clear who this article is aimed at, while it deals with an event that is targeted at people in the middle twenties to late thirties, there is a lot of content that has imagery that is more catered towards children or teenagers, this article is very confusing to me, while on one side there is this more mature and subtle aspect, on the other there is this fluffy, immature and, quite frankly, a little silly theme. Perhaps it could be aimed at the entire family, but i feel that they have missed that mark somewhat.
During this article, the author goes on to mention that it is an event to signify the end of Mackay's $18.6 million "center piece of the city" city rejuvenation campaign.while this article informs me of why the city of Mackay did this, it did little explanation of what they did or why they did it.
If I were to try and make this article, I'm not too sure of what I would do different. Trying to cover an all ages/family event is very difficult to do and it becomes even harder when the event itself is not well targeted, I feel that the author, given the difficulties, made what they had work.
However, my own personal opinions aside for a moment, this article is exceptionally well written considering that the event seemed a touch on the lackluster side, in terms of attendee engagement, the story was written fabulously with lots of detail while still being easy to read and simple to comprehend.
ARTICLE:
https://storify.com/Heidi_Petith/twilight-street-party-a-bittersweet-celebration
Hello Andrew,
ReplyDeleteWith your review of Heidi Petith’s (2015) Storify story “Twilight street party a bittersweet celebration’, I feel that in regards to the quality of her writing and attendee engagement you were fair. However, the rest of this review is a massacre. I am not sure what stage her story was at when you read it because updates were made 11 days after your review but what I read was good. The second sentence in your second paragraph contradicts itself. In regards to punctuation in this review, like last week, you have missed the mark with an 85 word opening sentence and 50 word closing sentence. In all, you have put a lot of thought into your response to the task and addressed the questions asked.
References
Petith, H 2015, ‘Twilight street party a bittersweet celebration’, Storify story, 2 October, viewed 13 October 2015, https://storify.com/Heidi_Petith/twilight-street-party-a-bittersweet-celebration